I was a mess.
The constant sound of me. My flaws. My insecurities, my hurts, my pain. My failures, my self-worth, my self-esteem. My worries, my issues ME. I no longer self-harm but I harm myself. The destructive words about me. I put myself down. You messed up. Again. Death and life. Your words have power. The negative voices in my mind causing me to focus on me. They hurt me. What am I doing? Why am I here? I don’t want to do this anymore.
I was a mess
My identity.
You are what you behold.
I stood in a room full of people. They smiled, I smiled back but inside I screamed. They couldn’t see me. I was invisible. Inside I was lost. The room span out of control then I fell. I fell on my face. Posture. I cried. Brokenness. I cried out to the father. I was never alone. For so long I held myself together but there is strength in brokenness.
So I looked to the father. I repented. Father forgive me for focusing on hating myself so much that I lost sight of your love. Show me who I am that I may be who you sent me be.
Then the father gives me the promise I need to fulfil my work and find my identity.
So now I’m in my chamber, my secret place. I stay here with my comforter, my custodian. He is the spirit of truth. He came to guide me into all truth. The truth of who I am. I was made in the image of God. He knows the very heart of the king and is preparing me to meet Him. I am His bride. He is guiding me through my beauty preparations. He comforts and consoles me when I mourn. He gave me beauty for ashes. He gave me the oil of joy for mourning. My cup runs over. He gave me the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. I feel weightless. As I continue to seek God. I reflect him. I am a light in this dark world. The spirit of the Lord teaches me to pray and when I don’t have the words to express myself he makes intercessions for me. He has me covered. I am covered under the blood.
With my head anointed with oil, full of joy I enter his gates with thanksgiving. Wearing my garment of praise, I enter his courts. I’m heading for the inner sanctuary. The Holy of Holies. There I will wait. As I wait on the Lord he will renew my strength. One day soon the king will come. He will come for his bride and there he will find me clothed in his righteousness. Washed in the blood.
I am His bride
I am the righteousness of God in Christ
I am a joint heir with Christ
I am light
I am a reflection of God
I am a daughter of the most high God
I am a new creation in Christ
I am Esther
